Teaching Responsibility and Independence

Did you know that your child is completely independent at school? Ok...maybe not completely independent, but pretty close! Yes…even your 5-year-old Kindergartener. Think about it…one teacher with twenty students means your child is doing a lot more for themselves than you probably realize.

Your child is packing and unpacking their backpacks, hanging up their coats, keeping track of their snacks and school supplies, refilling their water bottles, CLEANING up their materials and toys..all independently! So why aren’t they doing this at home? Why are they leaving art supplies on the kitchen table while they move on to make a mess in the playroom? In my experience there are usually two main reasons: clear expectations and explicit instruction. At school, teachers spend the first few weeks of every school year setting classroom expectations and routines, and they revisit and reteach these expectations throughout the year. They spend hours teaching students the expected way to complete routines and tasks. If you want your child to clean up after themselves, be responsible for their things, and be as independent as they are in school you need think about these tasks like a teacher would. Try setting the routine at home and clearly teaching the expectations.

So what does this actually look like? In our house, my children have daily chores (jobs, responsibilities, whatever you would like to call them). I recently added loading and unloading the dishwasher to my seven-year-olds chore list. I spent the first three days of summer vacation explicitly teaching her how to rinse the dishes, load the dishwasher, explaining why certain dishes must go on the top rack, and showing her exactly where all the kitchen items belong. Yes, a lot of it felt like common sense, but trust me to a seven year old it was not. It took some work to teach her the right way to complete the chore and to make it part of her routine, but she is now loading and unloading the dishwasher every day, without being told.

Why is this important? Well, participating in household tasks plays a crucial role in a child's development. Chores foster responsibility, build self-esteem, teach life skills, and prepare children for the demands of adulthood. Chores help develop time management skills, executive function skills such as planning and problem-solving skills, and most importantly, chores teach the value of contributing to the family (or community). Who knew my daughter was getting so much out of emptying the dishwasher!

I have included some ideas for age-appropriate chores you may want to try with your family. I would start small. Introduce one chore at a time, and be sure to explicitly teach the expected responsibility. Don’t assume your child knows how to vacuum correctly or make their bed. There is a saying in education: I do, We do, You do… I do (the parent teaches/models), We do (we do it together, providing feedback), You do (the child does it independently to demonstrate understanding). Try this approach!

Chores by age:

Age 4-5

Put clothes in hamper

Put away laundry

Unpack lunch boxes/backpacks

Hang up coats/backpacks

Dress themselves

Make Bed

Clean up toys/books

Bring in groceries

Age 6-8

In addition to the tasks listed for younger children….

Load/unload dishwasher

Set the table

Clear the table

Make lunches/pack snacks

Fold laundry

Vacuum

Dust

Age 9-12

In addition to the tasks listed for younger children…

Take out the trash

Use washing machine/dryer

Change bed sheets

Yard work (rake, shovel, weed, mow)

Wipe down bathroom sinks/toilets

Tip: Remember to start slow and build on the success! Also, we use the Skylight Calendar to keep track of our daily chores. The kids love being able to check off the chores as they complete them. We also use a puff ball jar to reinforce expected behaviors in our house.

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